Of Leech Men, Convicts, and Shakespeare Quotes
by Rainbow Smite
Summary: Ever wonder how Billy knew Marcus was a guy in that once scene? Well, it went a little something like this…


None of the characters in the fiction belong to me, and I am gaining no profit from it. If you see any mistakes, feel free to tell me, and if you don't like it feel free to flame me.

Billy, as you well know, was on his way to be executed somewhere that no one knows about. One or many of the following then attacked his transport car:

A) Zombies

B) Giant, mutant leeches

C) Cerberus'

D) Drunk driver and/or something of the like, who really knows?

Therefore, the car crashed, and he was lucky enough that the driver, or drivers, were, or was, depending, killed. We don't really know how many drivers there were. Well, it was either one or two; more than that would have just been ridiculous. Nevertheless, he then conveniently gained access to a gun, and a means of getting free of one of the handcuffs, wearing the other as some sort of fashion statement, now doubt.

On his way through the forest, where he was somehow unscathed, he heard an angelic voice, only sung by women, or castratos. But who ever heard of a castrato in this day and age? So, fascinated by the lovely voice, he followed the sound until he saw what, as most would assume to be at a distance, a woman. Entranced he was, by the way her dress blew melodramatically in the wind, and her hair, which seemed black as night, whipped around her face as she held her arms out in the rain, seeming to bless the very world with her grace. At this time, I think that it would be safe to tell you that Billy had always been a very passionate boy that received straight A's in all of his English classes, and he had not seen a woman in a very long time, being, assumedly, in jail. But back to the beautiful mystery woman with the hair and the dress and the voice… She seemed to be summoning something to her, and the small masses slithered to her, summoned by her mind-blowing voice.

Billy just had to go and meet this incredible being that could not be of this earth! Slowly, he creped forward toward her back, as not to startle her. Finally, made it to her, and placed a hand on her delicate shoulder. She turned around, startled, and then, Billy, being a fan of Shakespeare, had to do it,

"Oh, speak again, bright angel!"

And an unmistakably male voice said, "What?" Yes, Marcus understood the reference, but

1) He hadn't really said anything.

2) A guy was saying this to him.

3) When were people going to realize that this was a very distinguished robe, and not a dress?

"You thought I was a girl, didn't you?" But Billy had decided that he really didn't care that much anymore.

"That doesn't matter, we can work through that."

"I vomit leeches." At this point, Billy noticed that the mass of objects that were writhing around on the ground were giant, mutant leeches. But, unfortunately for Marcus, Billy was, if nothing else, a very obstinate man.

"That's ok baby, we can work passed that. We all have our issues. I'm a fugitive on the run for killing twenty-four people. I didn't really kill them, but try convincing _them_ that. Come here." At this point, he tried to put his arms around Marcus and give him a kiss. But oh, no, no way in hell was Marcus going to let _that_ happen.

"You asinine, atrocious, vile little wretch! You keep your filthy hand off of me! I'm at least thrice your age to begin with!" And for a moment… Billy didn't know what to say. Mostly, because he didn't know what the person in front of him had just said.

"I know thrice is three, and vile is nasty, and wretch is something akin to an annoying person… But you lost me on some of those other words. But how you could be three times my age? You look like you could be a little younger than me even!"

At this point, Marcus had given up, and began backing away.

"Hey, if this is about how I supposedly killed twenty-four people, I told you I didn't kill them! It's okay!"

"I've take many more lives than you, but you just plain scare me." Marcus had not even bothered to come up with anything eloquent to say at the end of that sentence. He just wanted to get the hell out of there.

And get the hell out of there he did!

Marcus ran as if the Orkin Man was on his conglomerate of leeches' ass. And Billy ran as if he was about to meet his star-crossed lover once again for the first time in decades. All the while entranced by the way the wind lifted the dress on his beloved as he ran as fast as he could. He noticed the leech man had bare feet. Oh, and what lovely feet they were. Pale as the moon light and looking like they belonged to some ethereal goddess (not that the rest of him didn't). Oh yes, he was in love!

So busy was he gazing at his running love, that he didn't see the tree root that was jutting from the ground. Ops… Face plant. He stretched his hand out, and called, "oh, my sweet love, don't leave me here without your beauty!" But alas, Marcus was still running.

But Billy could not give up! He stumbled to his feet, and continued chase. Unfortunately, Marcus was in the shape of his life and was biogenetically enhanced by his "children" and could keep up this pace for a while. Billy, on the other hand, was about to have an asthma attach. He put his hands on his knees, and panted, watching as his one true love retreated in to the forest.

Just then, he saw, or what he assumed was, a girl waking into the train wreck. Oh well. Maybe she could make up for the leech man that was rapidly fading into the distance. She might not sing as sweetly, but most likely, she was not biogenetically enhanced, so that made her easier the catch. Maybe one day, his leech man would come back. But until then, he would follow the girl (or not girl) onto the train. As it turned out, this time it was a girl! Billy would always remember the Leech Man, but for now, this girl seemed to be falling for his devilish good looks.

Yeah… I have no idea why I just wrote that. I just got to thinking you know, how the hell did Billy know that was a guy? And me being the slash fan that I am… Well, I hope I didn't give you too many nightmares. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another parody to write.

-Love, S.C.


End file.
